In 1995, the song “Tell the World of his love” bombarded radio and television as the official theme song during World Youth Day held in Manila just in time for Pope John Paul II’s visit. One of the Television broadcasts that stuck to me was a sermon about how you aren’t really an “adult” till you’re 40. Even then, it is considered that you’re actually in the “teen” of your life. This was of course, to the appreciative giggles of all the middle-aged and elderly women attending the mass clearly drinking in the flattery.
I was just starting my first year of high school. Though I didn’t have the words, I had an uncomfortable feeling in the back of my mind about not being “grown-up.” Having been raised on television, since to my mother it kept us within sight and safely at home, the promise of being grown-up meant sleeping and waking whenever you wanted to; Pursuing relationships with the opposite sex (gasp!); Choosing and pursuing careers; Having your very own family, the kids, the pets, the home!; To a young, immature mind, taking away the promise of all these felt threatening.
Even then, I always thought that you just grew up eventually. You just did. It was the natural course of life. I knew I was going to get tired of my Barbie dolls, the trolls, pick up sticks or being a tomboy. I thought that once you turned a certain age, just like video games, you gained a skill for using make up, picking outfits, dating, etc and it was ONLY obvious that I was going to find my “hubby” when I turn 21. I would eventually get married and have kids of my own. I was supposed to expect that because that’s what I’ve been told was going to happen to me just like what happened to my mom and her mother before her, and her mother before her…
All this is too complicated to understand and really taken in at that age but slowly it kept bothering me the older I got. I learned that I didn’t “magically” gain the skill to walk on high heels for formal parties and graduation days, nor did I learn how to fix my hair on my own. So much of any previous lessons, trivia and information told to me by every facet of my world only told me what and who I was between the ages of 1 through 13 and 18 and beyond. Was I supposed to remain childlike my whole life?
There is much to be appreciated by the purity and innocence of youth but it shouldn’t be held up on a pedestal as something that should shape our lives. Religion preaches and insists on the state of “unchange.” This explains the obsession with virginity, children, and the fear of progress.
Hence, when a meek guy suddenly approached me one afternoon apologizing for the hooting and teasing of his friends whenever I’m nearby at lunch time, I couldn’t help but feel… let down. For you see, the guy was supposedly in his 30’s and just happened to be looking for a girl like me. He was shy, always walked around hunched as if he didn’t want to be seen, spoke softly, apologized for everything… I always got the impression that I was talking to a fifteen year old whenever he spoke to me. He had the type of behavior that could’ve been considered admirable and respectable for a fifteen year old, but on a grown man looked obscene. Maybe most women prefer the kind of guy you can whip around to do your bidding; or a bad boy you think REALLY has a heart of gold, somewhere, deep inside of him; but aren’t boys supposed to grow up to be men?
We used to have rites of passage that involved dangerous journeys and completions of tasks. Even though we have certain celebrations when we turn a certain age, it doesn’t really mean much except another year added to our mundane lives. We no longer have traditions that really make us feel that we’ve passed childhood and become adults. I’d like to think that it might be unique events that happen to us individually so a uniform “age” is no longer a condition and the sign is passing that test.
It’s disheartening to finally join the ranks of the “grown-up” and find that rarely has anyone really “grown-up” the way you expected them to, “mentally” and “emotionally.” Though you expect friends to keep the same attitudes, you still expect them to “change” a little bit other than changing physically into an “adult.”
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