Joselito is talking again. It won’t be long till a chalk eraser hits him square in the face followed by snickering from the entire class and the Math teacher’s hugely popular jibes before he swats the board and reminds the class to pay attention to the lesson. Less cruel teachers would silently stroll towards an unsuspecting chatter and tap their desk so suddenly that it would jolt any sleepy student awake. I thought this was limited to being in grade school and high school since kids of that age tend to be mischievous and spirited so It was to my surprise when a friend attending University mentioned that her professor still practiced throwing chalk eraser projectiles at chatty students, swatting a student’s hand or twisting their ear red to correct their behavior.
My American relatives and friends recoil with horror and shock at how casually I speak about discipline of this nature from experience and respond by demanding that this teacher be fired. These are the same people who would joke or threaten their parents with Child services at the slightest threat of being slapped.
Corporal punishment was a common disciplinary method that my parents used with the punishments ranging from slapping, spanking and whipping. In all instances, I don’t remember what it was that we were being corrected for but many times it felt that they were simply having a bad day and was taking it out on their children. My parents and relatives would speak about their experiences occasionally and relate stories of being asked to carry heavy pails of water and stand in the sun until they passed out or get beaten with a bamboo cane. Even they never relate what led to the punishment but only the nature of the punishment itself. As an after thought, they would mention how lucky we were as we weren’t being punished as severely as they did in their day. You could hear the cries of a child echoing from next door and no matter how heart wrenching it is, there is complete respect for the guardian’s decision to physically hurt them because it’s considered discipline. It didn’t matter what the child did, the child was at fault. The child was in no position to explain himself. It was that simple and this was the only way to discipline him or her.
I asked school friends during grade school to see if this only happened in my household or if it was common practice everywhere. The unanimous answer was that almost everybody was raised this way. Those who never experienced corporal punishment were usually an only child or someone from a rich family whose parents were never home. In any occasion that someone remembers the reason that led to the punishment ranging from ignoring an errand, leaving the stove on, failing to come home with a satisfactory grade or quarreling with a sibling the punishment left us fearing our parents instead of learning or understanding the nature of our mistake. I’ve been around children who had committed far more serious crimes such as poisoning animals or having a fit and breaking furniture deliberately only to be given the same exact punishment as I have. I fail to see how our crimes are equal and why I deserved to be given a spank when there’s this other kid who broke his mother’s China set because he couldn’t get the toy he wanted.
“I’m doing this because I love you.”
Whack!
“Don’t pretend to cry like it hurts so much. This hurts me more than you.”
Whack!
“I’m punishing you for your own good.”
Whack!
These were phrases often pronounced when my parents were put into a position to “punish” us. There was even one occasion when my mom complained to my dad that she was tired of playing the bad cop as she handed him a belt that was to be used to exact justice. I wish I could remember the circumstances that led to faults that had to be corrected in this manner but I always feel that they were never fair, deserved or even necessary. Admittedly, the nature of the punishment slowly switched to long lectures and derogatory speech the older we got but we would still occasionally get slapped or hit depending on the parents’ mood. Most of the time, it was hard to tell what was considered good or bad that it was almost like running across a mine field when dealing with my parents. This month it didn’t matter how late you were out, next month it would. Yesterday they just gave you a big speech on how it’s OK to drink and smoke, today it isn’t as they’ve joined the ranks of environmentalists. We found that there was no moral compass of any kind to figure out what was good or bad but our fate was left to the whims and moods that they had. This is what corporal punishment amounted to.
I don’t know if corporal punishment is still common practice in the Philippines now though I’ve witnessed many friends having their own families now and dealing with their children by taking them aside and discuss the fault having more success on ensuring the child doesn’t repeat the unwanted behavior. They remember all the times they got beaten or witnessed another kid getting beaten and do their best not to practice it upon their own children. There are a few who would resort to a mild form of slapping or spanking when they get angry and frustrated.
Would I be a different person now if I wasn’t spanked, slapped, whipped or beaten when I was a child? I don’t know, though I would’ve appreciated it more if my faults were explained to me instead. I used to wonder why my parents would do it when they didn’t like it when their parents did it to them. Did it actually work on them? Did they learn something from getting beaten? It sure isn’t working for me and has left me confused and distraught. They were children once, did they ever try to reminisce what it felt to be put in the same position?
A toddler recently died of neglect for failing to say “amen” by his mother. The grandmother who appealed to the media is trying to blame it on a cult her daughter is involved with isn’t fooling anyone. It may just be my imagination but I can’t help but notice the 100 yard stare from this recent picture of the mother involved just oozing with self-righteousness without a hint of regret for the loss of her infant son. Most parents mean well and only want the best for their children but in instances like this, isn’t it going too far?
When facing someone who has never experienced corporal punishment, I am deeply suspicious of whether they are telling the truth, lying or feigning ignorance. These people aren’t any different from those who were raised with corporal punishment which raises the question of whether it’s necessary or if it even works. Maybe some kids really need a good spanking, especially the ones that are extra rowdy or need to be shown who the authority figure is.
Child rearing is a thankless, expensive, stressful, highly demanding and exhausting job. It’s even more difficult to know what kind of memories children will remember or forget. Not all parents are knowledgeable or patient enough to sit down with their children to discuss issues that don’t fall under the realm of stereotypical problems such as drugs, sex and violence but a lot of children would rather be given an explanation than a slap or be grounded. Fear never leads to respect and oftentimes seems to warp one’s sense of what love is. Children are so perceptive and unbiased that only indoctrination warps those valuable assets. I don’t think anyone is born evil, if so, it probably involves some kind of chemical imbalance in their brain.
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